I awoke suddenly, just drifting off the sleep only minutes ago…my mind filled with thoughts, racing, some colliding in their efforts to reach my frontal lobe, each trying to force their way out to get recognition, as my last thought, the important one…then the winner…What if this was my last day on Earth? And I was going to be executed for a crime I truly did not committed, but was found guilty and sentenced to death by a jury of my peers. What would I do? What would I think? How would I feel? So I let my mind wonder…

I would pray by now, I would have came to terms with my self regarding the death sentence…I wouldn’t want to be so close to the end and not at peace of knowing I am going to die. I would have wondered why I allowed myself to be caught in such a predicament and that my peers felt I would have taken someone’s life. I would also realized by now that for some odd reason, my legal team have failed me and failed me miserably, as I was still found guilty, and not only that, sentenced to death. And after all these years, they failed at the appeal process as well…I should have testified myself, Shit! At this point, represented myself as I would replay the trial in my mind once again…How could I be found guilty? When there were no physical evidence placing me at the scene of the crime, no weapon, DNA, or anything. All they had against me were several shaky eye witness stating that they saw me there…I admitted I was there, but Hell! So were they, we had just left the event…Why weren’t they on death row also?…But this way of thinking is a waste of time and that is what I don’t have…I would want my last day to be as peaceful as possible….

I would  want my mother to be at peace and not witness this because she does not deserve to watch her “number one son” leave this Earth before she does. She had given so much to raise us and for her to watch this horrific injustice it would cause anyone to doubt their beliefs…my mother is pious and why would God allow this to happen?  I would want my father to be at rest, cause I would feel this would be too much for him and he would return back to his old habits and die from trying to relieve the pain. My step-father,  I would want him to be with my mother so he would be happy as he did his best in rearing me and this was not due to anything he did or did not do. My wife or ex-wife to witness, as whatever position she is in her life, she will always be the mother of my children. And I would want her to be there as a support for them, also caused I would still love her whether she wanted to know that or not. I would want my children to come, and least hear my last words to them, apologizing for the times I wasn’t there for them, the missed moments, special occasions, celebrations, and priceless memories I could not share because they were taken from us…and to give them instruction to pursue the truth…to clear our name…for I didn’t do this. I would want my siblings to come as well, so they could also hear and see what I was talking about, and why I am against this style of punishment..

I would write a final letter to my family and mail it out so that it reaches them after, I’m gone…On the front of the letter would be an instruction of don’t open until…and a date of day of significant importance for each individual, birthday, holiday, anniversary, etc…so that at least one year or within that year, I would be there in spirit to celebrate with them…I know it’s a little eerie but that’s me..

My last meal…hmm…I really don’t know….food…the smells, textures, and memories that it causes would be to much for me…I probably wouldn’t eat…I would request something to drink…for the state could not produce what I probably wanted anyway and since the best cook (my mother) would have been gone….it wouldn’t be worth it…nor a good thing to waste tax payers money…Shit they are paying for my execution..

Would I pray? By now, I would be like the most incarcerated individuals and “found” religion….So I probably would…even though I would wonder why my God allowed this to happen to me when we both knew I didn’t do this…I would have admitted what wrongs I have done,  but I’m sure none of those deeds equal to the punishment I’m receiving now…

That final walk, each step would be remembered as I would count them to myself, each breathe would be long and slow….I would walk with my head up and chest out….as I am a proud man and not ashamed of something I didn’t do.. they would strap me down….and I know I would not be able to see anyone…just how I would want it to be….alone…..for I was born alone…sat in the cell alone….and shall die this way….there would not be any room for tears…no heart fill apologies to the family, I supposed to have wronged…I would tell them if my death can give them closure…then so be it, but I will be back…for I am innocent…and they know it…although I would apologize to my family and would state to them…”You will hear from me again, for I will be with you in sprit and will contact you again. I love you and wish only the best for you. Until next time we meet, take care.”…I would then close my eyes, allowing death to claim it’s victim…

The Jadedoughnut

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