There are things worst than Death…for Death comes quickly…instantly…taking you from a world you know, whether it be real or imaginary…For no matter what man can offer…when Death comes, you will go…it can be delayed by some forces, but for sure you are born you will die…But why?

Why is it that Death comes?…Doesn’t it realize that there are worst things than it…

Like the pain that often comes before….that excruciating agony that grasp the body, actually causing the soul to shake within…wanting to escape the pain…or the cold, deafening cry of a love one when a great harm have occurred….this cry often is silenced but never after longing of the heart have left slow healing wounds…leaving scars…deep, deep within the soul…not to forget the thought of knowing…not only are you going to leave this Earth, but the thought that you will not get to accomplish any of the things you dreamed of doing…while gazing at the clouds as a child thinking about the future and what you would be when your grew up…And this did not occur because you done anything wrong or harmed anyone, but just because you were dealt a bad hand, the wrong gene combination…this too me is worst than Death

I feel there are things worst than Death…I watched…I learned…and concluded…that often death is the easy way out…too easy…suffering is the true punishment and this is often the case for those who want death…those who want Death’s sweet embrace…to end the pain, to stop the longing, to draw the curtains close on their misery…But then this is when Death will not come…or when Death arrive…it is delayed through means…forcing the individual to face the very existence they are trying to escape….this too me is worst than Death…

Living in a home where you are a thing and only a thing, not allowed to grow, to developed…least not in what you see on the brief television you see while he is asleep…you see the smiles, hear the noises, and watch the colors…you know that what he is doing is wrong, your not a thing…your a person, someone who should be loved, cared for and taught….you know some things…things that you shouldn’t know at your age…like how to make him go to sleep….how to keep him up…how to make sure he doesn’t hurt you anymore…by keeping quiet…for if you do it wrong…he makes you hurt…plenty days you wanted it to stop…want to go to sleep and not wake anymore…but the sleep doesn’t come…you awaken…feeling a need…feeling a urge to do things…Why? You don’t know…to me this is worst than Death

Sitting before you have family, friends, all laughing and enjoying themselves…it’s your party, you have been waiting for this day for a year….But why aren’t you happy? Why aren’t your jolly and appreciative of the people before you…Why? Maybe because these people really don’t know you…and they will never know you because you know they can’t accept you for who you truly feel you are…for years, now you have been trying to convince yourself that you were ok, that they were they weird ones for not accepting things like they should be…you even asked for Death to come…they thought it was due to the lost of your grandpa…little did they know it wasn’t that, but it was due to the burden of carrying this secret…the burden that you are living a lie and not being who you are….Why would you want to be here if you can not be who you felt you were…to love who you want, just as they do?…Well today you will continue to smile and play the part…but to me this is worst than Death

So if I had to choose how Death would meet me…I would want to sleep…take that long nap…for sleep is a mini Death….heart slows…breathing slows…and you dream…allowing you the opportunity to escape reality without the aids of substances…legal or not…sleep allows you to be in control…for your dreams are just that…Yours…Death can’t get you there, your mind…your body…your soul…However once awaken, Death can collect what’s due, and leave being he empty husk and disruptions and sorrow…which to me is worst than death…

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