Often, I wonder if I ‘m doing what I’m suppose to do…

There is a nagging feeling that I was meant to do something else…..

That there was a calling for me to be “The One…That somebody..”

I don’t know what it is and this is what bothers me…

Believe me I’m grateful for all I have and appreciate all I have been given and done…But I can’t help but feel that emptiness…

So I search…

I look and try different things…but haven’t put my finger on it yet….

As I make my mark, I want to be able to say, “I live a fulfilled life“…

Then I look at what I have and realize it’s about as fulfilled as it gonna be…

I have a remarkable wife…wonderful kids….and a very supportive bunch of family and friends…

I have been blessed with good health…

And though I do have aches and pains…they are not life threatening….

So if I would died today…though I would be sad that I didn’t get to fulfill all my hopes and dreams…I wouldn’t be totally sad…

I would be able to tell whom ever I saw in the afterlife that I have lived and I am Doughnut….

That I have left behind several people that I am proud of…

 

I am proud of my Sweet Tart…She have endured a lot of hardship, aches, pains, some self brought, but most brought to her.. She endured and played the cards she was dealt…Often I have seen the tears flow from her cheeks and want to stop what caused them, but I could not…I have also watched as she gave me gifts that no other could…the gift of life…each time this occurred, it brought me closure to her and also made me glad she choose me..

 

I am proud of my eldest…though I try to teach her life lesson, she often teaches me….I am not the most affectionate person, but she have taught me how to receive a hug a day and enjoy the embrace…I have learned that my words do hold value and strikes deep…especially in the eyes of one that love you so…I have great dreams for her and regardless of what she becomes in life…I know it will be a great

 

I am proud of son…I recall the day he was born…I was proud and truly understood what my father meant when he reminisced on the day that I was given life…I didn’t celebrate the same way…but I felt the same…I know I’m hard on him and quite often he feels that I don’t care…But I do and with every challenge I’m pushing him to be what he want to be…a man

 

I am proud of my middle girl…she is quite young now and still developing…she may feel that I’m not watching but I am…I’m observing her style, be intellect, her wit…traits I see in her mother…I know she will do great in life and though she will suffer some due to the cruelness of the world…she will be strong, endure and rise to the top…

 

I am proud of my baby girl…she is quite the combination…I am enjoying her development…her way of absorbing life around her and enjoying it…each new sound, taste, and smell…I watch as she processes it…how quickly she have learned to control her environment…These things I am proud of…these things I know are signs of great things to come…

 

I often talk about death because it’s one of those things that surly will occur…But for each day my Sweet Tart and Doughnut Holes live, is a day I die…but death isn’t scary when your surrounded by those who really love you… for being you.

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