Tag Archive: sleep


Sleep For The Restless Mind….

AHH!!!!….

Stop talking to me…I am tired of hearing you…I can hear what you want…I know what you desire…But I don’t care…I don’t want to do this anymore…fighting you, I quickly learned is impossible…so I quieted you…I quieted your loud, obnoxious, spine chilling voice…each word spoken cause my inner ear to bleed…I can now taste it in the back of my throat….

STOP!! IT!!!…

You can’t persuade me…You can’t trick me either…I have learned…I maybe crazy, but I not a fool…Life is too short, people DO love me…I know this regardless of what you say…I AM worth something…

NO!!!!…

It’s not too late…I can still find hope and desire…I know who I am…and you do not….I am NOT hated….I am NOT ugly and I’m NOT fat….There are people who feel that YOU are the one who is wrong…YOU are the one who needs the help…the medication…NOT I…Cause, they hear you as well…they can see you as I do…you can not hide behind that smile…They have figured you out…

WAIT!!!!…

Don’t go…I need you…I am so alone without you….Please come back…I won’t say those hurtful things anymore…I promise to do better, to love you and obey you…I will be there when you need me…to listen when you speak…and follow your every word…laugh when I should…and cry when expected too…Please don’t go…I NEED you…

DIE!!!…

I’m glad your dead…glad the maggots will feast on your body…I wished I were the one who caused your demise…I wished I was there to watch your last breathe leave your body so that I could catch it on film and watch it on repeat…To capture your tears and taste them…I Hate you so…Death was too good for you…pain and suffering should have been your reward for your deeds…not the sweet embrace of death…DAMN!!! I WAS CHEATED!!!….WHY???…What have I done to deserve this…wasn’t I good enough…I paid my dues…I gave to charities…I did what was right…but ALL I get is pain, suffering and this Loud as voice in my head…

Ahhh!…

Quiet…quiet are you…I can sleep now…Your are finally quiet…no more whispers…no more cheers…no more humming…no more jeers…So this is what peace is like…I can see now…My mind is at rest…”yawn”…I am so tired…..”yawn”…I can now sleep

“YAWN”…seem like I slept to long and not only missed Monday, but Tuesday as well…Hmm, so I will try and catch with the times…So let’s pretend that it’s Monday and time for a Doughnut Dozen…Since I was a sleepy head, I was thinking about things that dealt with sleep…

  1. Bedding…Now since the dawn of time or least as far back as I can recall, bedding have been a requirement for a decent sleep. Now this have ranged from a rock, twigs and leaves to Temper-Pedic.. But me, bedding is only as good as the “fun” factor
  2. Fun…I like fun in the bed, on top of the bed, next to the bed, away from the bed, even hanging off the bed…but there are other ways to have fun with your bed…Like Jumping on it…better when your smaller, but can work when your large…wrestling with the Doughnut holes on the bed is always fun…They will jump on me and beat me up some, but playing with them is priceless
  3. Covering…I’m a sound but light sleeper…I snore (least I’m told, plus my throat is often sore and dry in the morning) and I can hear things throughout the night that interfere with my sleep. However, I love a warm cozy bed, not sweaty, but warm enough that you could sleep nakie and not worry bout chilly toes or other tender parts. A great covering I have found to be is a general, cotton comforter stuff with the polyester quilt batting, coupled with  200 to 400 thread count flat and fitted sheets, and on a cool night a wool blanket can also help keep off Jack Frost…Oh! Having a heat generator in the bed beside a helps a lot to keep thing nice and cozy
  4. Head Rest AKA Pillow…We use to use rocks…I never used one, but I have used my Kevlar helmet as one when I was out in the field…But that is  another thing…Now I sleep either with two pillows, flattened by years of uses…or on my arm. Why? I don’t know but I do…I also like cuddling when I’m in need of some reassurance…those pillows are soft too, but often interfere with slept…least immediate sleep
  5. Relaxing…Watching television, reading written literature, or playing a card game with the family is also a good use for the bed and can lead to sleep
  6. Dreaming…This occur more often then not during sleep, which happens mostly in bed…but a good dream doesn’t have to happen there…I have had great dreams occur while I was driving or listening to someone who I wasn’t really interested in…I hate to admit it, but those are usually the best ones, as I was able to escape reality for a brief moment and enjoy something new
  7.  “Good” Sleep…You will know what I’m referring to if you have experienced this…and if not…I feel sorry for you…It’s that sleep that you find yourself suddenly awaken from, and you find yourself whipping the side of your face, removing drool with the back of your hand, while looking around to see if anyone noticed it…You will then stop and think…”Darn, that was a good____.”  You stretch, then return to your previous activity
  8. Sleep Attire….Some call these P. J’s. pajamas, jam jams, nite, nite clothes, lingerie, or birthday suits…They come in different, sizes, made of different materials, and suits the individual…I feel this is truly a personal preference as I have slept in what I wore all day, as I was too tired to change or too spirited to care…I do feel the birthday suit is the best sleep…Why? Don’t really know, I just really started getting into the feel of material against my skin
  9. Amount…They say the amount of sleep varies…It’s according to your age, gender, culture, and experiences….I don’t know about others, but I function better on 7 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep…do I get that…Hell No!…I’m good if I get 5 hours…But I have adjusted and probably be one of the reason…that sneaky Death get me before I’m ready
  10. Fight…Yeah! Fighting…This is something I have learned to master since I was a kid. Fighting sleep is a required adult trait…least I think so…We fight it all the time. Either Fighting to stay awake, so we want loose what we value (work, life, love one-ever fell asleep on a date or worst during the game-that’s a big No! No! and a quick way to never get to play again), or fighting our offspring to “Go To Sleep” or as Samuel L. Jackson put it ever so gently while reading Adam Mansbach’s book…“Go the Fuck To Sleep.”
  11. Milk and Cookies….Hmm , I’m not a milk and cookies fan before bed, but I do get a snack before bed. Sometimes I have to get a Gatorade to replenish the nutrients lost during the game (the series works)…I don’t know why warm milk and cookies would put you to sleep…Hmmm…Maybe it’s the connection to the warm milk you would get while suckling as a babe…
  12. Position…I’m a side sleeper…I figure I rotate during the night like most people, but I will not knowing sleep on my back…This comes from a terrible experience of “witch riding“…it occurred to me when I was 13 years of age…I had fallen asleep and began to have my usual series of nightmares….but I had learned to control what occurs in my dreams so I was not getting killed, mutilated, and other horrible things. Also I learned,  when all else fail I could awaken…This particular night, I woke up as the dream went extremely wrong, but I could not get up…I was paralyzed from my shoulders down, while on my back…and the dream was continuing while I was awake…I called out for help but could not get any… and I could not move until morning (sun arose)..this was so traumatic that I altered my sleeping pattern…
  13. Music…I love music, the stronger the beat, the better to me…words…do have their place…but I’m about the music…during sleep, I love music playing in the background, soft jazz, new age music, low techno, a choral ensemble as long as the words are inaudible…otherwise they will interfere and become looped in my dreams…I know little kids love music as well for sleep…lullabies and some fall asleep with the sounds of the local radio station blasting…don’t think that’s too good for them but “eh”…to each their own…just leave mine alone

Well sleep is mini death…so enjoy each practice run…What are some things that you think of when sleep is the subject?

There are things worst than Death…for Death comes quickly…instantly…taking you from a world you know, whether it be real or imaginary…For no matter what man can offer…when Death comes, you will go…it can be delayed by some forces, but for sure you are born you will die…But why?

Why is it that Death comes?…Doesn’t it realize that there are worst things than it…

Like the pain that often comes before….that excruciating agony that grasp the body, actually causing the soul to shake within…wanting to escape the pain…or the cold, deafening cry of a love one when a great harm have occurred….this cry often is silenced but never after longing of the heart have left slow healing wounds…leaving scars…deep, deep within the soul…not to forget the thought of knowing…not only are you going to leave this Earth, but the thought that you will not get to accomplish any of the things you dreamed of doing…while gazing at the clouds as a child thinking about the future and what you would be when your grew up…And this did not occur because you done anything wrong or harmed anyone, but just because you were dealt a bad hand, the wrong gene combination…this too me is worst than Death

I feel there are things worst than Death…I watched…I learned…and concluded…that often death is the easy way out…too easy…suffering is the true punishment and this is often the case for those who want death…those who want Death’s sweet embrace…to end the pain, to stop the longing, to draw the curtains close on their misery…But then this is when Death will not come…or when Death arrive…it is delayed through means…forcing the individual to face the very existence they are trying to escape….this too me is worst than Death…

Living in a home where you are a thing and only a thing, not allowed to grow, to developed…least not in what you see on the brief television you see while he is asleep…you see the smiles, hear the noises, and watch the colors…you know that what he is doing is wrong, your not a thing…your a person, someone who should be loved, cared for and taught….you know some things…things that you shouldn’t know at your age…like how to make him go to sleep….how to keep him up…how to make sure he doesn’t hurt you anymore…by keeping quiet…for if you do it wrong…he makes you hurt…plenty days you wanted it to stop…want to go to sleep and not wake anymore…but the sleep doesn’t come…you awaken…feeling a need…feeling a urge to do things…Why? You don’t know…to me this is worst than Death

Sitting before you have family, friends, all laughing and enjoying themselves…it’s your party, you have been waiting for this day for a year….But why aren’t you happy? Why aren’t your jolly and appreciative of the people before you…Why? Maybe because these people really don’t know you…and they will never know you because you know they can’t accept you for who you truly feel you are…for years, now you have been trying to convince yourself that you were ok, that they were they weird ones for not accepting things like they should be…you even asked for Death to come…they thought it was due to the lost of your grandpa…little did they know it wasn’t that, but it was due to the burden of carrying this secret…the burden that you are living a lie and not being who you are….Why would you want to be here if you can not be who you felt you were…to love who you want, just as they do?…Well today you will continue to smile and play the part…but to me this is worst than Death

So if I had to choose how Death would meet me…I would want to sleep…take that long nap…for sleep is a mini Death….heart slows…breathing slows…and you dream…allowing you the opportunity to escape reality without the aids of substances…legal or not…sleep allows you to be in control…for your dreams are just that…Yours…Death can’t get you there, your mind…your body…your soul…However once awaken, Death can collect what’s due, and leave being he empty husk and disruptions and sorrow…which to me is worst than death…